Self loathing.

Does anyone else have this problem? I know it is a big issue for most women. I seem to think that I have more of it than most. I don't like the way I look. talk, walk, or how I am a wife and mother. Maybe it is because of the things I did as a teen. I still want the acceptance of my peers, parents, and family. There are many people that can't seem to forgive and forget. This is what I am assuming. I can't seem to see why some people can't get past this and move on, or is it I say what I mean and I mean what I say kinda thing. I think that I am my worst enemy and the biggest hater on myself. I always think people are thinking and talking about me behind my back. Is this because I did it to myself. I occasionally think that I like me for me but that is just a lie I am trying to make myself believe. Man, I am rambling here. All these thing are going through my head I think because of the sermon I heard this morning. It had some thins in it about the bible being able to fix everything that there is no need for therapists or psychologists. Now this really shook me to the core. I can't believe that. Is it the same as going to the doctor when you are sick? Should people just read the bible and pray that they will get better when there is medicine out there that will make them better? I don't know what to think for now....

The angry bug

I was been really short tempered as of late. I was talking to one of my friends and she has been the same way. So, maybe it is not just me being out of control. I think there is an Angry Bug going around biting women. It is like getting the flu. Or maybe it is just a bunch of over worked under appreciated housewives out there that are getting really fed up. I know that I wrote a similar blog not to long ago but there seems to be something of a pattern here. When do we get a break or better yet a bonus? When you are working outside the house you have a boss who has to treat you a certain way and has to follow rules of how many breaks you get and how many hours you should work. Well, there is none of this for SAHM(stay at home moms). Most of the time we don't even get a good job or ata-girl. This could become an epidemic and the Angry Bug could spread and then where would all the husbands and children be then? Now set aside the joking. I know that the way I'm feeling really making me not on top of my game. This is cause my kids to not get the best of me. I think that is a bad thing and it just makes this all the worse of not it makes me depressed. There as not be more than a band aid put on here because the band aid keeps coming off and the is the sore all open and not healing. I don't know what to do and the pressure is really building. I need a break and NOW. What can I do to get what I need? I have flat out said ti and that is where the band aid gets out on. There is a solution but I don't know what it is. I am getting to the point that I am worried for the health of my marriage. I don't think I can or want to talk to him about it anymore and to me it is bad................................ I am out of the talking and no to the WTF now..............................

Hormones

Okay, I am 28 years old and I am getting acne like a teenager and I am very moody. What is up with this? I get emotional for no reason and I get angry very fast and for not much reason. I am not I repeat am not pregnant so what could be causing this. It is really staring to make a big impact on my self esteem and my relationship with my husband. ( My husband because he is really the only person I am around) Also I crave sweets and sometimes I am really hungry for no reason. Maybe I should talk to my doctor about this but last time I went is I told her I has having anxiety and trouble sleeping and all she did was give me a sleeping pill which was helping but I really don't think and didn't think at the time was the problem but she said how can I help you if you don't try what I suggest. I really am thinking I have some kind of hormone imbalance. I had blood work done at the beginning of the year but I don't know if that was part of what they were testing for.



On another note it is kinda part of this problem. My husband makes like I am wasting money when I need to go to the doctor. He almost never goes and we have talked about this, that fine he is healthier than me so what,t we are different people. So, intern I feel bad and don't go when I need to until there is a really big problem. Another thing I clench my teeth and bite my cheeks and tongue in my sleep. I recently got a lot of work done on them including two really expensive crowns. My dentist told me that I was messing them up already. So, I went out and bought a night guard it was $30 and he needs one too but I didn't know what kind he would like. Well, he bitched at me for 3 days about what a waste it was and that I could go out and get a sports mouth guard and it would be so much cheaper. I looked it up on the Internet and sports guards aren't made to sleep in and not for clenching. I can't help if he is to cheap to go out and get one. Mine has really helped in that my tongue is not getting swollen and doesn't hurt all day especially when I talk.

Well, I hope this venting has helped my mood and maybe some of you can tell me if you are experiencing these things as well.



Thanks for listening,

Jennifer

Being married.

Does anyone else wonder what it is like for other married couples. I know I do but I don't know what is okay to ask about and what is taboo. I know my hubby and are very open with each other and talk about everything. Even thing we should probably not talk to one another because it is better to keep some secrets.

I persona;y think we are probably weird but how do you know what is normal when you have never ever seen a happy working marriage. I love my hubby lots and I guess this has to be normal for at least us.

8/09/08

This is my first real blog on a blog site and I really don't know how to start or even what I want to use this forum for. Do I want to talk about my everyday life or do I want to use this as a vent for the many frustration I get during my day, week, or month.